


And who will fall far behind?

by oldwickedsongs



Category: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3089909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldwickedsongs/pseuds/oldwickedsongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan reflects on his relationship with Mag and how this isn't a fairytale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And who will fall far behind?

She sleeps crushed against you like she’s afraid of the dark; the faded designer perfume and sweat staining your bed sheets alongside her caked stage makeup. And you remember the first time you spent a night with her- she laughed at your nervousness, your uneasy surgeon hands and the way you felt the need to telegraph every move to her. Like she didn’t know you.

Like she didn’t love you. 

You called her Marni and her hands slipped from your sides to touch your face. You remember some half-drunk apology then, stammering and staggering like your beating heart and the fear of exposure. Or simply the relief of discovery. But she didn’t rebuke you; didn’t even flinch really. 

She kissed your face, whispered “oh Nathan” as if you were the one dying and pulled you close. You never hated yourself more than in that moment too; because of how much it felt like a betrayal and how much of it just felt like another façade. 

And later, as Shi grows older and sicker, as you retreat to your helm and basement you’ll think then too it doesn’t compare but that will be another time and all this will seem a dream you made up to survive. But that can wait because it isn’t now and there are mornings still to chase she holds in her arms. 

The next day, when the sun’s harsh against the world’s broken sky and you both are reminded that this is Rotti’s kingdom and you are Rotti’s friends as well as his prisoners she’ll be honest with you and you will hate her for it. Marni will marry Rotti and one day, when he is gone you’ll replace him because he loves you more than any of his children- perhaps then you two can be together but not yet. For now, you all must play the parts he’s given you. This is his opera and no one dares to defy it. 

Half-joking, you joke this isn’t one of her operas and she gives you a look that tells you it is. 

Years later, you’ll grow to hate her because she was right- beautiful Mag who could sing like the angels but never think for herself. She knew something you didn’t. 

The heroes don’t always win. The lovers don’t always end up happily ever after and the dice are loaded from the start. Maybe if you had remembered that you would be happier and not up to your elbows in viscera while she’s on screen serenading to lost lovers. 

You could console yourself, then- thinking about how at least you remember what she looks like under those costumes and how she tasted but somehow it wouldn’t seem true. It was only a dream you barely remembered. 

Like how Marni felt under you, or how Mag laughed or how it felt to see your hands tremble and not know it was from the guilt.


End file.
